


A Different Diagnosis

by bwblack



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 17:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/517613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwblack/pseuds/bwblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is perplexed by a bored Sherlock's obsession with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oai1V7kaFBk">Sisqo's Thong Song</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Different Diagnosis

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Advent Challenge](http://adventchallenge.livejournal.com)'s summer challenge.

92 hours without a case, and counting. John had run out of ways to distract Sherlock three days before. The man's constant fidgeting, flouncing, ranting, pacing, shooting, snorting, and bizarre rhythmic sneezing was too much to take.

John needed a break. He lept at any excuse to find a few quiet moments outside the flat. 

But after scouring every store within walking distance for the absolutely perfect loaf of bread, John took a deep breath, said a silent prayer that the flat would still be standing and went home. 

He half expected to find the building engulfed in flames.

Instead he found Sherlock sitting in his favourite chair, hands steepled in front of his face, apparently lost in thought. 

"New case?" John asked, hopeful. 

Sherlock said nothing. 

Used to Sherlock's frequent pensive silences, John started towards the kitchen but stopped short when he heard an oddly familiar tune coming from Sherlock's laptop. 

_She had dumps like a truck truck truck_

"Broadening your musical horizons?" John quipped. He hadn't heard Sisqo's Thong Song in years. 

Sherlock remained silent.

John continued on to the kitchen. 

The song was still playing when he returned. 

_Baby make your booty go da na da na  
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na_

"New favourite then?" 

Sherlock didn't look up. 

"Right." John opened his laptop and began catching up on old blog posts. 

The song restarted. 

_Ooh dat dress so scandalous_

John turned around to stare. "Sherlock?" 

No response. 

"Do you mind?" 

Sherlock barely shrugged. 

John might have imagined it. 

"The song? We've just heard it... several times." 

Nothing. 

"Right. The endless middle of the night sawing on your violin has failed to send me to the madhouse so you are trying a different approach?" 

Sherlock remained silent.

John retreated to his bedroom. 

An hour later, gasping for a cup of tea, John returned to their common room. 

_That thong th thong thong thong_

"Is your program stuck on repeat?" John hoped for some rational explanation. 

Sherlock gave only the slightest shake of the head. 

"Right. Has somebody quite mercifully murdered Sisqo then? And you're looking for clues?" 

Sherlock waved John away.

"No then? Has repeated listening of this song driven somebody to murder? A compelling case could be made for justifiable..."

"I am perplexed..." Sherlock interrupted.

"Sorry?" John asked confused. 

"She has dumps like a truck...." He stared at John. "That sounds painful. Why has she not consulted a physician?" 

John stood in stunned silence. 

"And thighs like what, what, what?" Sherlock threw his hands up in the air. "Like what? He doesn't say! Does he not know? Do they defy description? Has he had a stroke and lost his vocabulary..."

"Sherlock...." John began. 

Sherlock continued on, undeterred "'Baby move your butt, butt, butt... given the aforementioned dumps I think she'd rather prefer to keep her backside firmly affixed to a receptacle... Much more sanitary." 

John sighed. 

"Wait, I think I might be onto something..." Sherlock held up his hand signaling for silence. 

_I like it when the beat goes da na da na_  
Baby make your booty go da na da na  
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na  
That thong th thong thong thong 

"I've been looking at it all wrong!" 

John smiled, happy Sherlock was ready to accept it was a nonsense song. 

"He has tourettes!"


End file.
